I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
