i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
