Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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