respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize