I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
if only i could text you this smell
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
