a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
