i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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