She's JV to your varsity
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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