So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize