Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
