Taylor Swift is so right about you.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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