Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
