areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
