I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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