i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
