Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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