if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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