I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
