im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
