i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize