If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
