Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
