so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
