Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
