She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
