Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
