I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
