Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
