how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
