It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
