i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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