I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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