He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize