My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
