i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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