Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She even gives head with a lisp.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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