Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
