its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
