The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
