Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
