Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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