Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Tell her she can't have a vagina
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
