I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
