How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize