you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
