oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
