nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
