my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
