Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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