Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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