woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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