Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
