Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
