Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
