she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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