I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
