So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
