He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
