So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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