sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
