I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
