OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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