I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
