Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
