I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
