not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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