i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
a search helicopter?!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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