how can u be prego again
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
