his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
