We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
