Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
