Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
