is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize