made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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